Live update

personal,4 January 2019

Greeting from my own home! Feels amazing to be back. 6 kids and two eager puppies was more than a handful to say the least, and oh how I’ve missed my own bed! It’s the best place in the world, although I couldn’t sleep tonight either.

Yesterday, I invited friends over. I cooked for everyone and the kids had a blast all day! As I already told you, we took some of the kids toys up to the attic for storage, and I have to tell you it has payed off. The kids come up with more innovative ways to play with each other and that makes me really happy. Playing is extremely important and developing for children. What could ever be more important than to learn how to interact with others?!

In case you are wondering why I constantly surround myself with people, I want to be honest with you since openness is the most comforting and biggest relief I know- personally. During this holiday the terrible news of the terrible, terrible thing that happened on Christmas eve here in Helsinki reached me.  That’s when the feeling of unbearable anxiety took over. I’ve always been sensitive and, on the verge to overly empathic (if there is such thing) but these news got a bit too much for me to handle. I want to be honest about my anxiety, since I know I’m not alone feeling this way. Anxiety to me, is a feeling of pressure in my chest, numbness and trying to escape my own head. I can’t sleep, and I can’t engage emotionally in my everyday life and not a single minute pass by without my thoughts wondering into all the things I so hardly try to keep myself from thinking. It’s “worry” times a hundred.

My mum is the best when it comes to understanding and calming my anxiety. She told me my painful thoughts and feelings will stay, but eventually time will wrap them up in a layer of cotton that will protect me from those painful feelings and make them a bit blurrier and a bit softer. I am so thankful for everyone I have around me to talk to, who offers their support in one way or another. It means the world.


knit Secondfemale// pictures by Juuli Rönkä



  • Laura

    Moi! Mun on pakko sanoa, että kirjoitat todella useasti TODELLA epäselvästi, ja sun teksteistä ei ymmärretä yhtään mitään. Esim. Nyt ei ymmärretty mistä olet huolestunut, kukaan meistä lukioista eihän tiedä mitä helsingissä tapahtui jouluaattona?! Tykkään lukea blogiasi ja rakastan sun höpötys insta stooreja mutta on ollut niiin monta kertaa kun en vaan ymmärrä mistä puhut, ja se on ärsyttäävää. Lopetat usein myös lauseen ihan noin vaan ilman että ”kerrot koko asian”.

    • Sofia Ruutu

      Hei! Kiitos, että kommentoit ja pahoittelen, että koet kirjoitustyylini epäselkeäksi. Olen tietoisesti tehnyt sen linjanvedon, että kirjoitan tätä blogia päiväkirja- hengessä. Haluan ainoastaan kommunikoida omia ajatuksia ja tuntemuksia ja tällä tavalla herättää keskustelua teidän kanssa. En kuitenkaan halua puhua muista ihmisistä tai kommentoida esim rikoksia, sillä se ei vaan ole mielestäni minulle sopiva tapa kirjoittaa tätä blogia. En myöskään koe, että tietty tapahtuma on se pointti vaan se, että avoimesti jaan ajatuksiani ja tunteitani josta ehkä joku muu voi saada vertaistukea omille tuntemuksille. Niinkuin minä saan teidän ihanista viesteistä.

      Mukavaa viikon jatkoa!


  • Lisa

    I know the anxiety feeling caused by empathic emotion very well. You are lucky to have someone to be able to handle it with you, not everyone has! I get whole set of psychosomatic symptoms just by hearing a shocking story, especially when it concerns kids.

    Thanks for sharing, only strong ones do. I believe in therapy by talking.

    I listed to Alexander Stubb speech last December and he was speaking of the 3 most important things to teach kids: to be independent, to take care of ones health and to be empathic. How great is this top 3. They go for 2019 promises all right. To be renewed every year.

    • Sofia Ruutu

      Thank you for always getting back to me with smart thoughts and comments! I keep learning from all of you and really appriciate having you with me year after year so thank you <3. Anxiety seems to be common and all though we all feel anxious every now and then, there is a big difference between "normal" anxiety and anxiety that makes one feel out of control. I wish you all the best. You are a wise woman with beautiful thoughts. My anxiety often comes from thinking. it's a blessing and a curse.

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