Lack of something
This week, I’ve spent a lot of time at home studying. I’ve read book after book and written essays about my learnings. I’ve only been eating crap and during my study breaks, I’ve found myself admiring other people’s glamorous lives on Instagram. Although I know how life looks in reality, I still find myself trapped in believing that other people’s lives are somehow better than my own. Then I ask myself, what more do I want in life that I don’t already have. What is better? The fact that I have chosen to stay home focusing on something I want to proceed should be luxury enough, no?
However, I know one thing I’d like to have loads of; time. Time is the most valuable thing in my life, yet it disappears as soon as I start planning how to spend it. It’s comparable to getting a salary once a month. You sit down with all that time in the beginning of the month, and as soon as you start making plans of what to do with it there’s nothing left. Right now, I’m doing all the things I love; spend time with my kids, work, study, exercise and I finally have a social life that’s more active than in a while, but I constantly feel bad and like nothing I do is enough. Anyone else who feels like this? Feeling like this has made me understand why all” grown-ups” say it’s best to study first, before starting a family. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible to do everything at once, but it would make everything a lot easier. I’ve become one of those now. Not that easy is always better, but what I find problematic is that I often feel I can’t enjoy my life enough. I simply don’t have the time to enjoy each moment because I’m too worried about what I’m not doing while doing that other thing. Sorry for confusing you, but I’m just sharing my thoughts.
Wishing all of you a lovely weekend!
cashmere set Balmuir
Pictures by Juuli Rönkä