Live update

personal,4 January 2019

Greeting from my own home! Feels amazing to be back. 6 kids and two eager puppies was more than a handful to say the least, and oh how I’ve missed my own bed! It’s the best place in the world, although I couldn’t sleep tonight either.

Yesterday, I invited friends over. I cooked for everyone and the kids had a blast all day! As I already told you, we took some of the kids toys up to the attic for storage, and I have to tell you it has payed off. The kids come up with more innovative ways to play with each other and that makes me really happy. Playing is extremely important and developing for children. What could ever be more important than to learn how to interact with others?!

In case you are wondering why I constantly surround myself with people, I want to be honest with you since openness is the most comforting and biggest relief I know- personally. During this holiday the terrible news of the terrible, terrible thing that happened on Christmas eve here in Helsinki reached me.  That’s when the feeling of unbearable anxiety took over. I’ve always been sensitive and, on the verge to overly empathic (if there is such thing) but these news got a bit too much for me to handle. I want to be honest about my anxiety, since I know I’m not alone feeling this way. Anxiety to me, is a feeling of pressure in my chest, numbness and trying to escape my own head. I can’t sleep, and I can’t engage emotionally in my everyday life and not a single minute pass by without my thoughts wondering into all the things I so hardly try to keep myself from thinking. It’s “worry” times a hundred.

My mum is the best when it comes to understanding and calming my anxiety. She told me my painful thoughts and feelings will stay, but eventually time will wrap them up in a layer of cotton that will protect me from those painful feelings and make them a bit blurrier and a bit softer. I am so thankful for everyone I have around me to talk to, who offers their support in one way or another. It means the world.


knit Secondfemale// pictures by Juuli Rönkä


Body issues

Fashion,Health,Outfit,personal,26 December 2018

Hi loves! I hope your Christmas holiday has been serving you well. We spent some days in the country side in a cold and white winter wonder land. I walked a lot and spent time outdoors with the kids. For the last couple of days, we’ve been back in the city, but spent the days with the other side of the family. We’ve enjoyed time together, been both active and lazy and we’ve eaten in abundance.

Christmas is the best holiday for me, but it also always reminds me of all of those who finds Christmas anxiety bringing. Whether it’s the materialistic and financial pressure, family, alcohol or consumption or food, I find it important to remember that all of us don’t experience this time of the year the same.

This year, I want to bring up the subject food, because since I’ve lived close to people with complicated relationships with food, I think it’s important to bring some attention to the subject. For some of us, Christmas holidays are difficult because everything evolves around food and the expectations to indulge, be happy and joyful are higher than normal. Many of us struggle with eating and it becomes even more difficult during times like these. So, let’s all remind ourselves not to comment on what/how much anyone eats or doesn’t eat. Nevertheless, let’s not talk about getting back on track after Christmas, diets and burning off that gained weight. I do my very best myself every day to not talk negatively about my body or myself in general in front of my children, so why shouldn’t we do that in respect towards each other as well?

Lastly, I really want to recommend everyone to follow wonderful @pennyyparnevik on Instagram. She spreads loads of positivity every day and inspires others to love themselves. Also, she gave the best, concrete advice the other day. It went something like this: If you struggle with negative thoughts about yourself, find a photograph of yourself as a child and keep it with you. Every time you feel like bashing yourself in one way or another take a look at that photograph and talk to that little girl instead.

This advice supports my way of thinking; talk to yourself as if you were your own mother. Everything will be ok. You can do anything you set your mind to. And, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

To implement this and celebrate myself a s a little girl, I’m climbing into my husbands armpit with a newly opened box of chocolate and refuse to feel anything but good about it and myself.


shirt kappahl (gifted)// coat and shoes hm// trousers &otherstories// bag chanel// earrings sofiaruutuxgauhar

Pictures by Juuli Rönkä